Preparing for fellowship specialist exams is a monumental undertaking. Other registrars understand this. Consultants who have been there before understand this, too. But all too often, the people we are closest to just don’t seem to understand the extent of the commitment.

Unfortunately, fellowship exam preparation can put a wedge between doctors and their loved ones. The commitment can often take away from time spent with family. Trainees often enter into a challenging headspace that prevents them from doing many of the things that once brought them joy. There are a few factors at play here.

College exams are not just another test

One, is the inability of family members to comprehend the immensity of the task. And it’s not just family members. Doctors often see me after being told by a psychologist, counsellor or performance coach that they just need to get some perspective. “In the end, it’s just a test.” We all know that it isn’t a test like any other.

Exam preparation seems to leave us with no time for our family and friends

Another factor is that the doctor has practically removed herself from regular family activities because she no longer has time outside of work and study. This can be very difficult to accept for partners and children and can breed resentment in the household. But there is also a strange Stockholm syndrome type effect where the trainee feels significant pressure to study as much as possible in order to have the best chance of passing. So the door is closed and we’re back at the desk. Again.

Emotional distance

The third factor is the emotional distance that exam preparation places between registrars and their families. Keeping families at a distance and getting on with study may seem like the intuitive thing to do, but in reality the added anxiety and tension can have quite the opposite effect.

But is this study effective?

There is often a silent, mutual understanding that the study cannot possibly be efficient. But no-one wants to rock the apple cart just in case this might interfere with the goal everyone is striving for. Passing those terrifying exams.

So what to do?

When preparing for fellowship exams, it can be difficult for family and friends to understand the immensity of the task. But in my coaching sessions, I try to bust some myths. These exams are not tests like any other. The preparation requires stamina, commitment and strategy. All of this requires a relatively clear headspace and relatively stable mental state. Contrary to popular opinion, I believe that reconnecting with family and being genuine and honest about the effectiveness of study techniques actually improves relationships and the effectiveness of study and exam preparation. As I have said in the past, you don’t have to put your life on hold to prepare for specialist exams. Some sort of semblance of life-normality can enhance mental health, which can greatly improve your ability to effectively prepare for specialist exams.

In my experience, some attention to self-care greatly serves the doctor who is preparing for their medical exams.